Dear DoubleTake,
My 41-year-old boyfriend lives with his ex in a one-bedroom apartment. They have a daughter together.
He says nothing is going on between them. But she called once and threatened me. I told him and he said not to worry about it.
He said we could move in together, but he has to see what his ex is doing with her life first. He said he doesn't want his daughter living on the streets, so that's why the mom stays there.
His ex gets to go to all family get-togethers, and my boyfriend recently said he will only take me to see his mum. Am I wasting my time?

BETTY SAYS:

So he's got a psycho ex who still has the upper hand. If he moves out and shacks up with you, it could do damage to the family unit. Plus, there's the whole issue of keeping up appearances, and I understand it's not cool to play second fiddle.

What you haven't mentioned is if she's his ex-girlfriend or his ex-wife, how long you have been dating this man and if the ex does indeed have any number of behavioral health problems.

My advice is that if you haven't been together long and the relationship doesn't have a sense of permanence, let it go. He's still dealing with a lot, and you don't have to shoulder the burden. If it's more serious than that, maybe take a break until he figures things out and start dating again once the ex has her own place.

EDDIE SAYS:

Chances are this guy doesn't have a psycho ex. Her has a current girl on the side -- that's you -- who can't figure out that he is still in a relationship. If they're sharing a bed and a family and a life, it doesn't matter if he tells you, "Oh, we're broken up."

They're not.

Unless you have some reason to believe there's a good chance the ex is moving out soon -- you know, she has a job, can take care of herself, etc. -- then don't expect to see anything change.

Go find yourself a guy who is actually available, or just enjoy not having the stress and hassle of this no-win situation holding you down.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.

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