Well, the results are in from my informal poll a couple of weeks back, when I asked you faithful readers to tell me what you thought "weird" was.

Hands down, named either alone or in a list of others, Michael Jackson tops the list of "weird" things in the world. From his apparent lack of a nose to his child-care adventures, Jacko has earned himself the Weird Crown fair and square. I'd spend a few bucks to make him a crown, but I'm sure he's got plenty of tiaras and such in stock already.

Not all of you were Jackson-oriented, though. Here's a few of my favorites from the rest:

From Gator Brooks (I trust ANY man named Gator): Joan Rivers. She's had so much plastic surgery she looks like a resident of Whoville.

From Nichole Groess, who's got a fine eye for weird food: My sister's boyfriend's family pours milk on their birthday cake, like it's cereal, then eats it with a spoon.

From Angela Pawlowski, who had better not be left alone with Joan Rivers: Shopping at a beauty supply store where the employees are ... let's say, butt ugly with well water orange hair and a frog voice. It really makes me want to take their advice.

So apparently the greatest source of weirdness isn't from aliens, Bigfoot, natural phenomena or even bizarre sea creatures ... it's us! We have met the freak and he is us, to mangle Walt Kelly.

I can't say I'm surprised. As one reader put it, "One look at the 'Anna Nicole' show and the aliens would pick another planet to make contact with."

Now let's see what our fellow humans are up to this week.

No Respect For The Wicked

I'm the last person you'd call a knee-jerk preservationist, but events transpiring in Nevada have me ready to chain myself to a fencepost and paint slogans on my chest.

Three years ago, the IRS seized the Mustang Ranch, the famous legal bordello on the outskirts of Reno, Nev. In typical bumbling government fashion, the feds haven't found another good use for the buildings, they've simply let them sit and decay. Now, citing their presence of a flood plain (in NEVADA?), the Bureau of Land Management is going to give the historic bawdyhouse the old bulldozer treatment.

Is nothing sacred? The Mustang Ranch was every bit as much a part of the history of the West as the Hoover Dam or the Vegas Strip, and you don't see blue-collar thugs in bulldozers stalking THEM. I say, make it a museum! Set up displays, dioramas, interactive attractions and all the other geegaws that vacuum tourist dollars at "cultural attractions" across the country.

Save the 'Stang!

Dead Can Dance

For the second year in a row, the fine (if a touch unbalanced) folks in Nederland, Colo., have held their "Frozen Dead Guy Days" festival, complete with coffin races, a lookalike contest, and a funereal parade with the Grim Reaper and the shed in which the festival's namesake resides.

The Frozen Dead Guy is a Norwegian fellow who shuffled off his mortal coil in 1989 and had himself cryogenically frozen and stored in a shed in town. City fathers tried to put a stop to the whole thing but, failing that, they decided to turn the frozen Norseman into a tourist attraction of sorts.

Remember in "The Shining," when Jack Nicholson wigged out and started typing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" over and over? I'm thinking perhaps that mental vibe exists in the real world, and someone in Nederland has been typing "All ice and no parade..." for the last couple of years.

Don't Look, Ethel!

Since last August, police in Binghamton, N.Y., have had a criminal puzzler on their hands. According to the police blotter, at least 20 times since then, a man clad only in a smile has been seen running around a local parking garage.

In the most recent incident, the temperature was below freezing when Mr. Happy began his lunchtime trot, and despite strenuous efforts on the part of local cops, he eluded them completely. They're baffled as to how he manages to dress and leave the garage undetected.

I'd take a look at the men in blue there in Binghamton. Is there one who always seems to be "somewhere else" during the initial parts of the chase? Whose uniform always looks like it might have been stuffed in a duffle bag and stuck somewhere for a while? Stranger things have happened.

Urban Legend Of The Week

I'm not sure if this week's selection is more annoying or sick, but I've gotten it from no less than two dozen readers, so here we go.

Have you received an e-mail lately purporting to contain, either in attachment or slideshow, pictures of the shuttle Columbia explosion taken by a spy satellite? Did you look at them and say, "Wow! I can't believe these haven't made the news yet!"

First off, pick up something large and heavy and drop it on your right big toe. While fully experiencing the pain, look at the pictures again. The negative association should help prevent you from falling for this sort of foolery again.

Next, go rent "Armageddon," the Bruce Willis action flick in which giant space rocks manage to only hit picturesque structures, never open fields or empty parking lots. Watch the opening sequence, when a space shuttle is first peppered, then vaporized by meteor fragments. Using your freeze-frame control, compare shots of the shuttle in the film to the pictures in your e-mail.

Go get that heavy object. LEFT big toe this time.

For more on this and tons of other Urban Legends, check out my close personal friend David Emery's site at About.com.

So, what's weird in your world? As ever, I look forward to all letters, screeds, speeches or professions of undying love. Just drop me a line anytime!